I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
