O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
