You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
