everyone is single if you try hard enough
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
