you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
