stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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