Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
