my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
