Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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