Me too!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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