it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
