it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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