Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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