Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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