so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
