Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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