There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize