so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
