I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize