I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
3 2 1 whiskey
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
