I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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