Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
