I wish I could teleport
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
