This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
