The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we're making bets on your personal life
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
