chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
