Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize