You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you inspire me to be a worse person
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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