I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
