This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
