i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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