I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
