They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
