1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
