honey bunches of taint.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
