I wanna bring you to show and tell
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
