I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
