I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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