If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
