So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
