pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
