So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
