Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
