Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
