Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
