Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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