Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
