his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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