So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize