Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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