I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
