Got a toothbrush?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As shirtless as possible
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
