omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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