Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
