Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
