Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
