You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
