Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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