You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
