I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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