I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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