last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
