don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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