I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
