that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
