1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So much rum. So many feels.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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