You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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