My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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